As a new feature of the blog, I’m going to look into the “mailbag” so as to give people an idea of the correspondence that I’m flooded with on a daily basis from all over the world. Of course, much of this is just adulation as you can imagine; requests for autographs, large monetary donations, beautiful single women on the prowl, things like that. Anyway, here we go with installment #1.
Reader “HomeBrew” writes: “Duuuuude, I was just, like, watching these re-runs of these old “Wide World of Sports” shows from the 1970s last night and they were showing a car race on a “figure 8″ course where the cars had to try to avoid each other going through the intersection at high speed. It was awesome, but maybe a tad crazy too!! You seem like kind of a wild card–have you ever done that, and if so, any advice on getting into that, and have you ever seen a horse race like that, it’s totally crazy?!”
Answer: Thanks for writing HomeBrew. I’ve never actually done that no, but I wouldn’t mind trying–looks pretty fun and also a decent excuse for some heavy drinking, and also, I’ve had decent practice by running yellow/reddish lights while accelerating, and I have a bike helmet, and I can yell pretty loud when motivated. However, my vehicle’s probably more suited to the Demolition Derby, and that’s pretty fun too. I’m currently in training for bare-back mustang riding in the rodeo, so time’s limited.
Reader “PreScience” writes: “Hey, I’m thinking of going into science because I hear there’s a lot of money and fame in that. How much money we talking here, roughly?”
Answer: Thanks for writing PreScience. Yes, there’s an enormous amount of money in science and we are all very famous. The money is shared equally and freely among all and there is much peace and love and harmony and advancement and goodwill and not that much bodily harm done, compared to say, coal mining or hockey.
Reader “SortofLikeSelfSimilar” writes: “What do you think is the best way to deal with high autocorrelation and small sample sizes when discussing hypothesis tests in papers?”
Answer: Thanks for writing SLSS. Avoid them. If you can’t avoid them, use jargon and throw in a couple of pretty gnarly looking formulas and move on quickly with a snazzy graph of some type.
Reader “FertileOutcrosser” writes: “My man, you got no idea what you’re talking about, and on a regular basis too, but there’s entertainment value, so I read it, because I’ve often got time to kill”
Answer: Thanks for writing FertileOutcrosser. Any intersection of what I write with actual, factual, reality, on anything, is largely coincidence, a fortuitous flip of a coin really. You might be interested in the dog, whitewater and volcano pictures though, and next week I’ll be starting up the first free beer night, which will go through the World Series.
There are many thousands of other letters, some of which contain no anthrax at all, but that’s all we have time for today. You may now return to work.